:what’s the matter?? Are you afraid of sex??
Something snapped inside him, as he spun around with lightning speed, pinning Lel next to the wall, his fist punching a crater into it, as he got fairly close to his face, glaring at him with utmost rage and pain. “You do not know what I went through. You do not know how dark things are for me, and you cannot fathom the utmost suffering I had been through.” He hissed it with closed teeth. “I was raped by my parents, try that on for size.”
-Lelouch doesn’t flinch. His eyes sparkle with something a little dangerous for his personal well being- And how is distancing yourself from those around you helping you with that, huh? If you don’t reach out, it’ll eat you up… Especially if your will is weak. The worlds don’t take pity on the weak at all… They die first.
We removed his fist, turning away. “I don’t mean to distance myself. In fact, I want the opposite. Which I had.” His throat tightened, but he took a deep breath, calming himself. “There’s no point in me having a pity party, right now. But… what happened to me back then is part of the past. Unfortunately, what I thought I had healed and lived through, thinking I could let it die and enjoy living, has brought its ugly head back, and torn apart my reality. It’s a challenge when I don’t even know what’s happened to me, or worse, what I’ve done, especially when people are manipulating me.” He sighed wearily.
“But… to be back on topic, there’s only one person who I ever want to give my body to in such a manner. And I want that to be done in the right way. But if I can’t get things prioritized with myself, to say the very least in this dilemma, then how can I be a fit husband for her? I cannot. So, working through this is one of the first steps I must take to heal.”
He sighed once more. “I… I wasn’t always like this…” He turned around, facing Lel. “But, it doesn’t mean that how I am now is the final product. I went through a very dark period in my life. And went through it once more. So now, like then, I have to find a way to put the pieces of my broken self,” he said with slight pain in his voice, “back together. It’s not impossible. It’s just…” he sighed, averting his eyes, back in thought, “hard.” He stood in silence for a moment.
“But, I am making progress…” His voice seemed lighter, hopeful, with that latter sentence.
-Relaxes his grin a bit into something a bit more natural as the fist is moved away from his face- Everyone needs a pity party sometimes. And trust me, when you have yours, get Suna to do the catering if you can.
-The vampire walks over to Ryu and pats him on the shoulder- Just remember, you’ve got Suna and Theisen to talk to. They’ve both been through some tough shit in their lives… And if you’re gonna roll with Suna, it’s best to get everything out on the table in the beginning. It’ll make your life a hell of a lot easier.
Ryu sighed. “Yeah, well, it’s hard to talk about things. Especially when I feel like I can’t get a chance to. The two of them are very close, and, well…” he sighed again. “I’m… I’m not… but…” He closed his eyes, feeling that wave of sadness press up on him. “As ridiculous as it sounds, I’m afraid of being abandoned again. Which she’s done to me. In her ‘past life’ and once before as herself. And as much as I dislike it, that wound carries deep.” He opened his eyes, irises swimming with thought. “And when I’m abandoned, the worst things happen to me. To innocent people. To worlds even…”
“Because no matter what, no matter how much I plead, I fight, I’m still branded a ‘traitor’…” Old wounds pierced through his heart again. “And shunned further…”
Suna does that sometimes. Hell, she left me and Loki behind a year ago on some godsforsaken island full of angry people. It happens. Just… when it comes to people, don’t listen to them if they call you names. They don’t know you, and they don’t know what they’re talking about.
`He bit his lip and clenched his teeth. Before he knew it, a few droplets of water spilled from his eyes. “I just…” his voice disappeared, as his words were all in hushed whispers now. “I just want them to stop for once and help me…” Yep. That did it. Coming to the truth like that hit him hard. A few more silent tears fell. “Because God knows how much I want it. And how badly I need it… My heart, especially…”
-Lelouch pulls the Ryu into a no-homo man hug- I understand, man. Hang in there… I’d help you if I could, but circumstance has put me quite out of everyone’s reach. Tell them, alright?
Ryu hesitantly hugged back, still awkward when it came to others, but very appreciative of Lel and what he was doing. “I’ll try… But, I’m afraid things are going to get very complicated with me very quickly, with what’s happening right now. But, I’ll… I’ll try….”
Ryu, you’ll never find someone who isn’t complicated. Everyone has their own unique complications, and that’s what makes us all… different, for better or worse. All you can do is try your best… and never forget yourself.
135 Notes/ Hide
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